Wednesday, February 10, 2021

Resources

Dementia early signs: https://www.alz.org/media/Documents/alzheimers-dementia-10-signs-worksheet.pdf

Dementia and finances: Money trouble can precede dementia diagnosis by years, study finds - The Washington Post

Legal issues in some statesHow the Elderly Lose Their Rights | The New Yorker

Demetia Care Givers:

A Loving Approach to Dementia Care: Making Meaningful Connections with the Person Who Has Alzheimer's Disease or Other Dementia or Memory Loss (A Johns Hopkins Press Health Book): 9781421422282: Medicine & Health Science Books @ AmazonSmile

Dementia Caregiving from a Biblical Perspective: Your Guide for the Journey - Kindle edition by Gable, Dorothy. Religion & Spirituality Kindle eBooks @ AmazonSmile. This was my favorite book. It does include Christian content but is mostly focused on the facts and solutions to dealing with a loved one with Dementia. It made me aware of the broad types of dementia and symptoms which I would not have associated with dementia. 

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL2E2lPBsUeBjA1Utglo8q6yANAijEf8cX  Excellent series of videos by Teepa Snow on dementia. Includes both description of problems and symptoms as well as suggested ways to deal with these issue. 


Aging: My Mother, Your Mother: Embracing "Slow Medicine, " the Compassionate Approach to Caring for Your Aging Loved Ones: McCullough, Dennis: 9780061243035: AmazonSmile: Books Excellent overview of aging. This should be the first book you read unless you are already making serious decisions. 


On Sorting the family things: The Boomer Burden: Dealing with Your Parents' Lifetime Accumulation of Stuff: Hall, Julie: 9780785228257: AmazonSmile: Books 


Sunday, August 16, 2020

Older Folks And Driving

I want to consider how you move an older person from driving to not driving. If you have read my story, you'll know that my father was suffering from some pretty strong dementia. His ability to reason was no longer "reasonable". By the time I realized this, he was living separate from his car. I did take actions to make sure he did not regain physical access to that car. 

But during the process, I had conversations with Alexa and staff at his assisted living facility about what I could do to get him to stop. I investigated some of those options. None really offered any hope for me. 

Let's start with the obvious choice: my dad's long term doctor. You may recall that the year before my story begins, I had gone in with him for his check up. His doctor had told me he was fine. I know because I had seen my mother tested, the doctor probably used the MOCA. A MD friend suggested the following year to ask for a longer (several hours) test. But I also know because I had watched my mother's MOCA with the same doctor, that the doctor never used the first three questions on the test. I suspect he skipped them because they took longer because they required the patient to physically mark the paper and draw. Here's what those questions look like:



I later saw Dad's attempt at these. They looked a bit like Salvador Dali's art work. Thanks to our current political race (presidential, summer 2020). I have read several articles not just about the MOCA but about how doctors interpret the results. Here's an excellent article on that. Here's what that article says about this section of the test. 

"Patients who have problems with these functions can fall easily, not recognize familiar objects or faces, misjudge distances, get lost easily, and struggle with driving skills; all issues that can face patients with dementia.

"The test also measures the ability to understand images. But it also measures “executive function”; that is, the “set of cognitive processes and mental skills that help an individual plan, monitor, and successfully execute their goals.” 

"Now, “executive function” in this case doesn’t mean making C-suite decisions for a Fortune 500 company, but more practical tasks like, say, cooking dinner.

"In order to score on the Trails Test, the subject must be able to quickly switch between counting numbers and ordering letters, and tests similar skills to what is needed when switching between folding laundry and checking on a boiling pot on the stove. This requires activation of the frontal lobes, and subjects with frontal lobe damage from a stroke, tumor, or brain injury, or with the dementia subtype of “fronto-temporal dementia”, especially have difficulty with this task."

So here's my appeal to the medical community. First, administer this section of these tests. Score them fairly, and if a patient fails, talks need to begin not just with the patient but also with family members or state licensing agencies about this patient's ability to drive. I understand older patients won't be  happy when you do this, but this is a matter of not just this one patient but public safety.  I suggest that you think carefully about what results on the MOCA or similar tests would cause you to raise this issue. Write a policy for yourself and those in your practice and stick with it. 

Next on my list is my state's licensing agency. An initial search turned up a review process. Here's what their website says:

"The Division of Motor Vehicle's Medical Review Unit evaluates a driver when there are concerns that certain medical conditions might have an impact on their ability to safely operate a motor vehicle. These conditions include: Neurological disorders (Parkinson's disease, dementia, neurodegenerative disorders)."

I thought that sounded helpful. So I clicked the link to the page with the form to fill out for my dad. So first thing I notice is that when they list who such requests come from they include, doctors, police officers, wreck reports,  and courts. (I do wonder if the wreck investigation officer who came to see my mom reported her as problematic.) There is nothing about family. However on this page, I was given a link to a form to fill out. There was a sternly worded warning that they did not take anonymous reports.  I was fine with that, so I turned to the form. It was a one page form with three roughly equal sections: information about the person being reported, a medical professional's section, and a concerned citizen's section. I had two lines to express or document my concern about my dad's driving. At the top the form said this:

"This request must provide specific information regarding the medical/visual condition and/or driving ability of the person in question and must be made only in the interest of public safety. Advanced age alone cannot be considered the sole reason for a re-examination request."

I'm wise enough to know I would have needed to write a longer document about what I saw as problematic in my dad's driving.  I'm not sure every concerned daughter would understand that two lines would probably not be enough to start an investigation; it would be nice if the state instead of implying that two lines are enough asked for an attached statement. 

For my state legislators, you must address this issue. It would be relatively easy to set up a simple method and standard for state medical professionals to submit patients who have troublesome cognitive or physical problems. Then another simple and clear test could be devised for those so flagged. 

Saturday, August 15, 2020

Down to One Car Consequences.

Over the years I've often heard people say that family members of older folk should just take their keys away. I've related the end of my mom's driving. The question I'll begin with was should she have stopped before that wreck? The answer is YES! I've related her relatively minor parking lot wreck and her hood bore the damage from a tangle with a roadside trashcan. In that case she told me she was distracted looking at something else and hit the trashcan. 

So why was she still driving? Honestly I don't think my dad could have stopped her. Sure he might have gone along with us if we had insisted she stop. If her car remained in their garage, I think she would have been driving within weeks of that decision. Which means I would have had to take her car and sell it. Or all the keys would have had to be taken away from her. 

Once she did stop by force, a lot of weight came down on both my parents. She liked to go out and look at things in stores, loved knickknacks so she bought those. She had social activities, and she still bought the food and other household necessities. Similarly if my dad wanted to go spend several hours browsing in one of his many used book acquisition locations, he could. He also got time alone at the house that was quiet. He could think and write. 

Mom's social shopping stopped. I found when I was moving them to the Garden, that she had two bras and at best three or four pairs of underwear, and maybe one nightgown. I suspect that she had had no new outerwear since she stopped driving. When I asked Dad about this, he could only tell me she had never asked for more clothes. 

Dad now needed to go with her for groceries, I can only imagine that was stressful to both of them. He also never had time to shop for used books; she would come with him and sit in the car. Based on conversations with him, she thought he took too long. And my mom could no longer sit quietly instead she was a nonstop conversation. So no more quiet times for him. 


Sunday, August 9, 2020

Looking Ahead: Legal Documents

At this point I'd like to go back to the spring before my mom's fall and reflect on things that I wish had been in place for my parents and myself. I make these suggestions to anyone with older parents. 

First, new power of attorneys would have been helpful. The delay in getting an effective one in place was problematic. I was fortunate to have someone willing to notarize both my parents' new power of attorney forms. I was also fortunate that my dad had enough savings on hand to cover several months of expenses, and that I gained access to that savings (with Dad's help). Even if you have a power of attorney every five years you should review its terms. If there are changes in mental competence of one or both of your parents, review these documents. 

Next, I would consider having your parents add you to their accounts. Mine had put me on their safe deposit box, so accessing it was not a problem. But much of the bank related issues would have been much easier to deal with if I had been the cosigner all along. This has an added advantage of you catching problems with their banking before they become irreparable. 

Fortunately the health care powers of attorney and advanced medical directives were never a problem for me. I have heard horror stories about families split and arguing over such things. Having something in place in advance would be helpful. Further one person should be placed in charged and a frank talk about decisions should happen. 

While you are being added to accounts at the bank, I would suggest also being added to utilities and set up a system with all these accounts that you'll be notified if bills are not paid or bank accounts are overdrawn. In addition you should be able to close accounts and change billing addresses. For companies with secret passwords try to learn those. 

Driving

Although my dad did look for his car early on in our year, driving does not come into our story. But there is a back story. 

To this day, my mom would probably still tell me she could be driving. A woman who has no control over her legs, who when seated in a car can't pick her feet up enough to get them out of the car, a woman who thinks like a five year old could still be driving. No. 

She stopped driving in 2014. I'd like to tell you that we all sat down and made a rational decision about mom not driving anymore. Also, no. 

About a year prior to that when my dad was in his rehab stay, I saw her have her first recorded car wreck. I had pulled in to a spot at rehab and she was just behind me. She pulled into a handicapped spot. Although the lot was fairly flat it did slope away from the building where she was parked.

As I walked towards the door I watch her car start to back out of her spot. I thought at first she was repositioning her car to be in the spot better. As I got closer, I realized she wasn't paying any attention to the car and its movement. She appeared to be looking through her handbag. Although I tried to call out and get her attention, I was neither quick enough nor loud enough.  The next moment she bashed into what turned out to be a staff person's car parked in the row behind her. 

In early February of 2014, Dad totaled his car while driving to a basketball game in our former home town. His description of the wreck was one I could see myself doing. He had gotten off in downtown, it was dark and raining. He followed the car in front of him through an intersection where by the time he arrived in the middle had a red light. Boom! He got a new car. 

About a month later, I got a call from someone at the hospital, there was my mom in the ER, pretty banged up. Oddly, my dad, once again, was at a basketball game. Her job was to get dinner and be back at the house with it when he got home. She drove down a divided highway near her house towards the restaurant she had chosen. She should have made a left onto the road on which the restaurant was located. Instead traffic was heavy and backed up. She decided she'd make a right turn into a large shopping area and proceed through that area and go straight across from that area to her road at the next intersection. As she turned right in what I think was a right on red, another car appeared. I've always assumed it must have been turning left into the center and had an arrow. Mom struck  this car and then things went sideways. Mom apparently hit the gas, jumped the curb, crossed over the sidewalk and went down the embankment to the parking lot of the restaurant below the road level. There she struck a parked car. Thankfully mom was okay. 

While at the hospital, a police officer showed up. He was an accident specialist. He told us he had no idea what had happened. Normally he could follow marks on the pavement, but grass did not show marks. I later went out, parked and walked to the intersection. Mom was fortunate on many fronts, there was a center sign made out of brick and a light pole she could have hit. Much like the police officer I never quite understood what happened. 

Thankfully Dad refused to let mom drive his new car and told her he could not afford to buy her another car. 

Tuesday, July 28, 2020

Legal Arrangements

In the following weeks I had several legalities to deal with. 

The first was the house sale. It was delayed until I had the death certificates, but the following week, I showed up at the attorney's office and we closed the house. 

I dealt with their bank, and I still, at the point of this writing need to go in person with the death certificate. But because all their accounts were in joint, there was not much to be done there, and initially I had hoped Corona would pass quickly and then I'd go into the bank. 

I also notified his annuity and various health insurance companies. 

Oddly, in the fall I had feared having to deal with the Social Security administration, but in one phone call and some paperwork mailed to me, we dealt fairly quickly with the issues that needed to be handled. My mom was his listed survivor and she had direct deposit so they simply started putting her widow's share into her account. I was signed up as her "payee" since social security doesn't take power of attorneys. I had to get the doctor where she was to sign that she couldn't handle her financial affairs. 

My Dad was a champion and had a written obituary ready to roll. My brother lightly edited it including the newly named virus that honored Dad. The crematory put that up on their website and I sent it to the three universities he had been associated with. 

Funeral Delayed

My brother and I had already discussed Dad's final arrangements. I had made some preliminary inquires, but my brother told me our mom had asked to be cremated and her ashes thrown off the top of nearby state park. It was the park I remember most from childhood. It was not far. 

He and I agreed I would arrange for cremation and then we would try to arrange a time to take Dad's ashes once Corona wasn't a looming threat. 

Resources

Dementia early signs:   https://www.alz.org/media/Documents/alzheimers-dementia-10-signs-worksheet.pdf Dementia and finances:  Money trouble...